What's God Got To Do With Aling Dionisia?

I am going to church in 2 hours. I am going back after over 5 years. I barely remember the last time I was inside one, only the feeling that I was cajoled to come along.

My last two entries were on faith and religion (this may be my last for now). I may have come across as a skeptic and as someone who mocks faith in the existence of the divine. I am a skeptic, yes, but I respect those who believe.

Not a few of those who know have asked me what happened. They wondered if I had an experience significant enough to determine this life-changing conviction. Some have thrown in a couple of painful life events. Others were bold enough to suggest the most incredulous psychological trauma worthy of Bruckheimer's CSI.

"Did you stop believing because your mom died?" - Everyone dies.

"Were you abused when you were a kid?" - I had a very happy childhood, particularly during the summer vacations I spent at my grandparents' house on top of a hill, overlooking the rubber plantation which extended to as far as the eyes can behold.

"Were your parents separated?" - They had admirable tolerance for each other's strengths and foibles. Whether or not they were happy I do not know, but my father was there to the end as my mother lay on her deathbed.

"A bump on the back of your head, perhaps?" - One or two, but not detrimental enough.

Really. The only traumatic experience as far as I can remember was the unfortunate chance of catching Aling Dionisia dance on national television, toppled only by her Ginebra commercial with son, Manny. There came then my big, exasperated- "WHhhhyyyyy???"

So what's God got to do with Aling Dionisia? What's believing, or not believing, got to do with painful life events? In my case, nothing.

I do not believe what you believe because one day on a cold morning, I sat staring at a tree, wondering what was inside it, what it was made of. I thought that if I had the tree sawn into half without stopping, would I get to its most infinitesimal particle or would I not get anywhere at all as the tree is cut into half infinitely? Either, or.

I figured I was going to die early so my life would be too short and too precious to be spending on "tree-cutting". I also could not convince myself to believe in something I cannot see, smell, hear, touch, or taste. Even emotions are given life by the five senses.

I sat staring at the tree, longer than I usually would have had. It wasn't tall or big enough but it was the most imposing as it was the nearest to where I sat among all other trees in the area. Its fiery orange leaves were starting to fall off; a few leaves danced to the rustle of the silent wind. I smiled and sighed, and whiffed a blend of damp earth and the dew that settles down on a cold morning. It was beautiful. I felt renewed.

One day I saw a tree on a cold morning and, looking back, it was all that mattered.

I am staying home instead.

O and V's Ridigulous

O and I were listening to a talk show on the radio last night. A letter was read on air and listeners get to text in their opinions and suggestions to supposedly help the letter sender figure out the solution to her problem. The letter sender was a daughter who decided to be an atheist and a rebel as a result of her mom's illicit affair with a priest.

O and I have considerably strong opinions about almost everything under the sun. We almost always never agree on the same things: he likes Vietnamese cuisine, I would rather have Italian; he likes to bask in the sun, I love to stay in the shade; he jogs, I smoke; he adores Kubrick, I find a few of his methods a waste of film; he is a socialist who thinks communism works depending on the context, I think communism is good only on paper; he believes, I don't. But I digress.

O told me of a debate between 2 religious groups. A friend of a friend of a friend of his told him about it. Hence, I doubt the veracity of the story mainly because I do not know how many other friends are involved and the story itself is ridiculously funny it couldn't have possibly happened. Anyway, the debate was shown on a TV channel owned by Religious Group A.

Religious Group A: The Holy Trinity cannot be true. How can one plus one plus one be equal to one??

Religious Group B: The Holy Trinity IS real. The Bible states, "Go forth and multiply." Therefore, one times one times one equal one.

We were having fun being ridigulous. O quipped-

O: I bet he's a Pastor (referring to the topic on the talk show). It couldn't be a priest.

Me: Why not a priest?

O: If it were a priest, his illicit affairs are with "little boys".

Me: That's stupid. (um ok, after I said, "Hahaha!")

The only thing we didn't do last night was actually text the radio show, which, I think, was fortunate for everyone's sake.

Me: Why is it when one learns you're an atheist, the next question is-- "What happened?"

O: They think something traumatic happened in your life.

Me: Yeah. Don't they consider you have a capacity to think, to question?

O: But...

Me: I'm not done yet. It's actually easier to believe again when you stop believing out of a traumatic or hurtful experience. If you eventually come to terms with the cause of the problem...or...if you're healed...you can always go back to believing.

O: "Heal the world. Make it a better place, for you and for me and the..."

Me: Oh shut up.

O never takes me seriously but I persist.

Me: You know what I would tell the letter sender?

O: What?

Me: Shame on you! It's bad enough to stop believing just because your mom is having an affair with a priest. If you decide to be an atheist, do it with integrity. Take control of your life; make it better. Rise above the situation instead of being a rebel. Don't go emo on everyone and everything else. You're not the only one with problems. Children in Africa are dying of hunger and diseases everyday. Hell, some kids don't even know their parents! *snip*

Then I rant about a totally different matter, which is typical of me.

O: You know what I would tell her?

Me: What?

O: We decide our fate. Your mom could have decided to have an affair with a gang lord instead of a priest. And instead of being an atheist, you could be doing drugs right now. So if you really think about it, your mom made a better choice and you made the right choice.

Me: That makes sense.

Methinks the world last night was better off without O and my 2 cents.